…i thought when i stepped out of my shower, right after having a bath. where are my interests? yes, right, they are in my head – in my brain. but the question is: what are my interests? do i have some? is anybody able to tell me what interests i have? i don’t know exactly – i think there is nobody. even i can’t tell you – no – false – even i can’t tell myself what my interests are.
there are so many of them in my brain – but they change so fast! i lie in my bath tub thinking about my interests: “i’m interested in shampoo!” in front of me there is a shampoo bottle, designed like a princess with a crown – just to give you a picture in your head. i like this bottle very much! so i’m interested in shampoo.
no – stupid example.
i’m interested in shampoo, i mean – shit – where are the words! i’m interested in the process of developing things – not just shampoo. how do you develop shampoo? is there a woman with long hair and they are testing all kinds of shampoo with her hair? hm, i don’t know but i’m interested in it.
i stepped out of my shower and thought about the drops on my body running down to my toes. i took my towel and wiped them away thinking about the process how the drops go over to the towel. how they change their form and shape, how they feel. it’s about processes and feelings.
but it’s all about priority. the most important thing in life is to earn money. yes, i agree with myself and perhaps you guys out there. it’s not the most important thing. but it is. hm, i’m weird. the most important thing is that you are happy. your soul should be okay. happiness.
but you need money – anyway! you need money to buy some food, to have an apartment – why is it so stinky in my apartment although the windows were open the whole day?! – you need money. and here is the priority!
what are you going to do first?
are you brushing your teeth or going to the toilet? are you having breakfast or go back to bed? are you doing the laundry or studying physics? are you…
you have to have priority, i mean – you have to do things in an order which fits earning money. hm… weird again!
when i think about earning money and my interests it’s hard for me to find out what i should do for work. i like processes, i noticed that. i’m studying process engineering – that’s suitable. but i don’t like they way they teach the stuff. i hate the way they teach the stuff. stop!
i like taking pictures. i hate my pictures. they are lifeless, they are boring, they are… i don’t know – have to improve my vocabulary. priority! taking photos with digital camera > fast process: take picture quite fast, look, delete/keep; with film > study the motive, think about photo, take picture with correct exposure, develop.
the thing is, you have to take pictures with a digital camera like if you exposure a film. do you do that? i don’t. i can’t. i don’t know why.
i hate that.
but you know what, you have to eat…
my brain
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